This is a non-photo post. About four years ago I bought an old typewriter from a local thrift store. It mostly sat in my closet until two years later when I used it to write this essay. I can't remember the reason why I wrote this and I should clarify that absolutely nothing in the essay actually reflects my own personal feelings towards cats. I must have been trying to make a joke. Please excuse the typos and odd spaces between letters. The typewriter is old and puts spaces in randomly and unprovoked. The typos are my fault, though I think the mistakes add to the overall flavor of this strange little manifesto.